I got very frighten. I am afraid to live life. I am afraid to know what is going to happen. I am, really is. It was not a thing which I used to carry with me but this time round, it weigh quite heavily on me and its a feeling I cant stop. Tell me whats going on, what is it that is in me that made me become like this. Lost--------- You don't know whats is it, I don't either. What I just know bout this feeling is that I became very paranoid. Very paranoid of my loved ones. My mother, Father, Grandmother, Brother and Boyfriend. This few people, I get paranoid easily. When they don't pick up my calls, I kept calling. When they aren't feeling very well, I kept asking, I kept trying to find ways to recover them. I keep, I kept. I became someone who is very very extremely frighten that I'll lose my loved ones. Living Life for me became very...... vague. But, I was never at least like this despite them being my priorities. I seems to have lost myself entirely. lost, I don't know to whom, what, which, where, and how the hell did I lost it and why, Why did I even lose it. I got no idea.. Sigh. Wait, I know what, I lost my pet, a pet which I really liked and doted. A pet which allows me to become a pet lover, at least a dog lover. I cant say i'm a extreme dog lover but at least I finally understand what do owners mean by "dogs are man best friend" I finally understood.......... They are indeed lovable creatures. He created the bonds and polluted the house with their noises. It created laughter to the family and even when I'm not at home to accompany Grandma, at least I know he's there and he will.


(...) I still cry at the slightest thing esp when I see your pictures, esp when I see your pet shops, your treats, whatever. you know I still did. #Sweetheart. :'(


and wait again, I lost a friend, and another. I paid my last visit and the familiar images which were once alive became not, haunts me concurrently. It just kept coming back. and it scares me.


.
.
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So all these make me to became like this right now, afraid, frighten, paranoid, bad dreams, it make a lot of sense and every each relates to my current situation.

Suck.

Tremendously.


:

I need to live life.


At least normally.